To all --
Well, I originally started out this post with the sentence, 'At this point, I don't really give a good goddamn if any of you fuckwads ever gets your shit together enough to play another fucking session ever fucking again.' It got worse from there. Upon reflection, I counted seventeen uses of the syllable 'fuck', seven 'shits', three 'assholes', and one 'fuck me for a fool'.
So a'course, I deleted that one, took three deep breaths, and started again.
I'm just tired. Pete, Rob, thank you for showing up on time. John, thank you for taking the time to come tell me in person that you weren't going to be able to make it.
Paul, Lydia, Doug -- we waited in DSL until 6:00pm and then we called the session for lack of interest. I stayed in DSL until 6:30pm without seeing anyone else show up. Paul, I understood from your last e-mail that you were going to be back in town by the 15th. I saw from fingering your account that you had logged in as recently as yesterday (1/17) and, without receiving any other word from you, I assumed you would be making it, or making the effort, anyway. Lydia, I received your message about being swamped by e-mail -- after I got back home and logged in this evening, of course. I'm sorry if we missed connections by a few minutes, but I felt that 6pm was a reasonably late time to wait for people. Doug, I've not heard a word from you in over two weeks. I've e-mailed your account(s), talked to your roommates, and even went so far as to pull your patron record from the registrar, get your home phone number, and leave a message on what I assume was your parents' answering machine, all with no response.
Here is what I would like at this point.
Lydia, please remove my name from the camelot remailer.
You six -- and I mean ALL of you -- figure something out on your own, using whatever means you feel are necessary. If we need to change the day, fine, figure one out. If we need a better time or place to meet, fine, figure it out. If e-mail isn't working for keeping us all in touch, fine, figure out some other way. If you want a different milieu, a different genre, a different gaming system, even a different GM, fine, work it out. Whatever.
Figure it out, write it up, and ALL of you put your names at the bottom of it and THEN give it to me, and *I* will stick to it and I will expect that *you* will stick to it.
Here is where I stand at this point.
(1) It's just a game. It's not life or death.
(2) Given that, it is still something that requires several hours of work
minimum a week on my part. I give up the time because I find the
*sessions* themselves to be immensely enjoyable. The work is moderately
stimulating to my creative side, but not particularly so.
(3) My *enjoyment* fades when I find that *sessions* do not seem to be
occuring, that instead I spend endless amounts of wasted time sending
e-mail to people who don't respond, and spend even more chunks of
completely inane time playing bureaucratic mummy-and-daddy to supposed
adults who don't seem to possess the simple skills necessary to make a
schedule and then fucking stick to it, much less check their fucking
DIGITAL WATCHES from time to time to see what fucking DAY and TIME it is
... and at this point I'll stop and take three more breaths because I'm
getting overexcited again.
(4) The long and the short of it is, sue me, I don't get any enjoyment
out of doing the work, making the time, and being the only one who cares
enough about it to do so.
And one final ugly word. Sorry about the mood, folks, but I like y'all to much to bullshit around any more.
I understand you are all busy people with busy lives. I work 40 hours a week, plus transit times in and out of the city. My wife, who is a social creature, needs me to be there for her at least three or four days a week for a few hours a day. I am in the middle of the interview process, trying to secure a new job. I have also managed to spend several hours a day several days a week apartment hunting for the past four weeks. And do my 1995 taxes. And sleep 6 hours a night. And find some time to read. And, and, and.
And on top of all that, I *make* the time, not just to show up one day a week and have fun, but *also* to put in the 3-4 or more hours a week that makes that fun possible in the first place. Never seems to be a problem. Busy as I get doing other stuff, I get it done and I show up.
If you can't do that much in return, you're a fucking moron, or a fucking asshole, and I'm too goddamn tired to play these stupid games anymore. Grow the hell up already. I'm really sick of this shit.
yers,
-/\/\.